


Fading

by VerneToshiharu



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Lung Cancer, M/M, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-09-25 15:57:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9827570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VerneToshiharu/pseuds/VerneToshiharu
Summary: Shizuo's condition started  to get worse and worse as the days have passed. After Tom's several suggestions to visit a doctor the brute finally listened and made an appointment. However what he found out turned his whole life upside down.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Blind Fury](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076869) by [PendulumDeath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PendulumDeath/pseuds/PendulumDeath). 



For quite a long time now, Shizuo started coughing for absolutely no reason. Of course the first thought that Tom had was that his friend was simply sick and would get better in no time. But, to his surprise, Shizuo's condition started changing drastically. He began to complain about waves of pain caused by coughing or sometimes even breathing but no matter how many times Tom suggested to visit a doctor, the blond would always say that he didn't need one. It really worried him to know that his friend was in a way more serious situation than he fought he was. And the fact that he couldn't do anything about it made him feel like he was about to drag Shizuo to the clinic himself and make him sit there until they'd know what was going on in Shizuo's body.

Unfortunately, that was completely useless because no matter how much strength Tom put into trying to move the beast, he always ended up failing as the man would refuse to make even one step towards the hospital.

''Shizuo, you really need to get some help.'' Tom was already getting tired with the blonde acting so childish. But that didn't change the fact that he was still worried about his friend. ''No. I already said it about four times today.'' Of course Tom didn't expect any other answer from his friend but he decided to keep going until the man would finally change his mind. ''Do you really think it will get you somewhere? The only one you're hurting right now is yourself.''

''You've started talking like my mother. Can you drop the subject already? It really is tiring you know.''

''I know, that's why I want you to go there and see what's happening! Why can't you just listen to me for once?'' Hearing that, Shizuo growled in frustration. He had enough of his friend whining about how he needed to take care of himself. Seeing the doctor was a waste of time. And Shizuo had much better things to do - helping Tom with his job was one of them. They had so many people to visit that he couldn't afford to take a day-off. Not when most of their clients were very aggressive towards his friend.

Right now they were on their way to destroy another person's life. Normally Shizuo would wonder how the guy would react at the sight of Ikebukuro's beast along with a debt collector standing in front of his door, but today was not one of these days. His chest hurt every time he breathed and all he wanted was to go home and get some sleep. Tom must have noticed because he slowed down and gently patted Shizuo's back. ''Go home.''

''I can't, we still have a lot of work to do today.'' Saying that Shizuo felt a strong urge to smoke so he reached into his pocket and took out a bag of cigarettes along with a lighter. The feeling of nicotine filling his lungs calmed him down almost immediately. "Besides, I'm your bodyguard. I can't just leave you any time I want."

''I'll be alright by myself from now on. Seriously, you need to get some rest you idiot.''

Tom was right. Shizuo wasn't sleeping very well throughout this few weeks. Sometimes he even felt like he was about to pass out right on the street next to his friend. He never allowed it to happen though, that would just cause Tom a lot of trouble and he would call the ambulance or call for Shinra which the blonde wanted to avoid as much as he could. Even if it was something that he should treat right away he would never really bother since he knew that his body could handle a lot more than an average human did.

Without wasting any more time, he thanked his friend and went back to his apartment. Fortunately, he didn't have any problems with getting there. Izaya never showed up, other gangs also seemed to disappear into nothingness. If not the annoying cough and the pain in his chest, he would shamelessly admit that this was one of his favourite days in his entire life.

After he reached the building Shizuo was already out of breath. It confused him because it never happened, even after the long chases after Izaya. It was very hard for him to get tired and yet there he was, standing next to his front door gasping for air. His chest hurt like it was being crushed under something very heavy while his throat felt like a dry desert. Cursing under his breath, the blonde tried to open the door with his shaking hands even though every inch of his body begged for another cigarette. Something was wrong, very wrong. And if Shizuo wanted to find out what it was, there was only one way to do it.

**xxxx**

Making an appointment in the hospital wasn't as easy as Shizuo expected. The nurse asked him definitely too many questions and the blonde had to fight the urge to snap at the woman for taking too long. But he knew that wouldn't take him anywhere so he stood silent somehow stopping himself from wrecking the entire reception.

After few minutes of talking with the lady in the reception, Shizuo could peacefully make his way to the doctor. Of course before that, he had to wait for about 20 minutes with all the people who non-stop talked about him behind his back. It was really irritating, and just as he was about to stand up and throw a chair at someone, he heard his name being called. At that point, Shizuo wanted to get the hell out of there so he quickly made his way into the room.

The doctor was a very friendly and kind person. By the way he acted in Shizuo's presence, the blond could see that he was one of the very few people who most likely didn't know the famous ''Shizuo Heiwajima''. The fact that the man wasn't scared of him made things a little bit better. He really didn't have time, and strength to deal with another person who would beg for mercy instead of helping him.  
The doctor made his way to his desk welcoming Shizuo with a smile and pointing at the chair so the patient could sit down.

It didn't took long for Shizuo to explain everything, only few words were enough to make the man jump out of his sit and quickly do the blood test and a chest x-ray so that he could check what's wrong. There were already some possibilities that the doctor had in his mind. And a chest infection was one of them.

''Alright'' he said after the last document has been printed. He quickly scanned the paper looking for the answer and his eyes stopped at the middle of the page, widening in shock. Shizuo narrowed his eyes watching the man in confusion. ''Something's wrong?'' at those words, the doctor slowly put the paper back on his desk and turned it around without saying a word. Just as Shizuo read the words written on there, he felt his whole body freeze in horror. Everything seemed to stop, the time slowed down and all Shizuo could see was this one sentence that he'd just read. His mind went blank and although he wanted to ask so many questions, his mouth didn't move.

Only doctor's voice brought him back to the reality. ''Sir I-- I'm so sorry to say it but.. You've got the third stage of lung cancer. Unfortunatelly, it's grown too much and we can't do anything about it.'' All Shizuo did was nod his head weakly, doing all he could to not break down in front of a stranger. The last thing he wanted, was to let the world see his tears.

Unfortunately, all of his efforts to not let any tear slip from his, now burning, eyes came crushing down when he heard the last sentence.

' _You've got three months left..._ '


	2. Chapter 2

It was already 2 p.m. The weather wasn't the best but at least it didn't rain. Unfortunately the air has become a lot more dull just by the lack of sun in the sky which of course strongly reflected of the citizens. Everyone only ambled through the streets not really knowing where they were going to, only some walked a bit quicker clearly trying to get out of that creepy mess.

Shizuo was no difference. He sat on the couch staring blankly at the grey wall in his small apartment. There was no light in his eyes, only an empty expression which he held since that day. The blond was certainly not the type of a person who would just sit and think about his life but... That's exactly what he was doing. The thought of something growing inside of him and slowly destroying his body didn't leave his mind even just for a second. And that was what terrified him the most.

"I don't wanna die..." Shizuo whispered quietly, his voice cracking as he spoke. There was no one around him yet he felt as if he wasn't alone. Well, in some way that was true, since he still had his friends, but what difference did it make if they didn't even know about his illness?

"Please I don't wanna die yet" Tears began to form in his eyes, blurring his vision more and more. He kept mumbling the same thing all over again, hiding his face in his hands and curling into a tight ball. This was a time the blond really needed someone, but he already made a decision. And it was to not tell anyone about his condition no matter how much they begged for the truth.

The room was filled only with quiet sobbing mixed with Shizuo's mumbled begging which he nonstop repeated. Soon enough, the first droplets of rain fell on the window banging on the glass and only adding to the already gloomy atmosphere which surrounded the man. Shizuo could feel the sadness taking over his body, paralysing every inch of it as if it was poisoning him from the inside. Clinching on his hair, the blond moved his head down squeezing his eyes shut. He felt anger building up inside of him. The sadness filling him quickly turned into a deep hatred. It wasn't a simple outbreak of anger that he often had though. It was rather a mixed feeling of regret and loathing toward himself. Something that he didn't usually feel.

'Don't be surprised. After all you did to people to have no right to live.' A voice echoed in his head reminding him of everything Shizuo did in the past. He couldn’t even remember how many times a person was sent to the hospital in a critical condition because of his pathetic behaviour. There were probably some cases of death which he didn't even know about as well. So after all the damage he's done, why would he have the privilege to just walk around the streets of Ikebukuro?

The deafening silence was suddenly interrupted by a muffled ringing of the man's phone which, apparently, was in the next room. Sniffling, Shizuo got up reluctantly and made his way to his bedroom where the device was. After lifting it from the bedside table, he flicked the phone open and quickly glanced at the number before picking it up. "Yeah?"

"Hi, how you feeling today?" The voice was friendly and full of joy, completely the opposite of what Shizuo felt.

"I'm.. I'm great, just need a bit of rest's all."

''You sure you're okay?''

Clicking his tongue, Shizuo rolled his eyes at the person on the opposite side. ''Yes I'm sure. Tom, would you please stop worrying 'bout me so much and just tell me why you called.'' Trying to talk so casually while feeling like shit on the inside was centrally not the easiest, but if Shizuo really didn't want anyone to find out about how pathetic he was, there was no other way than to act like his normal self.

''Alright, alright! You see.. Today's quite a busy day and.. Y'know it'd be good if you helped.'' There was a pause between the two. Tom could almost feel the irritation of his friend so he quickly added ''I-I understand that you need some rest, after all you're working a lot harder than me so I'm not going to push you.''

Taking a deep breath Shizuo looked out the window. That was when he realised it was the first time he even payed any attention to the outside world today. The small puddles covering most of the sidewalks didn't look very encouraging and neither did the grey sky. But getting some fresh air was still one of the best options the brute could pick to forget about his problems. At least for now.

''Where are you?'' He asked not really sure if he wanted to leave his house.

''At the same spot as always.'' Tom had probably figured out by now that Shizuo was actually going to come so the blond didn't have to worry for not answering and instead just hanging up.

Unfortunately, just as he did, a strong need to cough caught his throat. A scratchy feeling cut through his windpipe causing him to choke as if it was some kind of a poison. Gasping for air, Shizuo fell to his knees supporting his, now shaking, body. A familiar sensation of blood build in his mouth finally making it out on his floor. There wasn't much of it, but it was centrally enough to paralyze his whole body in fear... It wasn't the first time he saw his own blood, of course not. But the fact that he already knew what was happening with him, kept reminding itself, not wanting to let go.

"Shit..." He uttered while squeezing his eyes shut. The scratching feeling disappeared soon enough and Shizuo had no longer felt like coughing up blood anymore. It was true that his body still felt quite weak after putting so much energy in an attempt to get rid of what was in his lungs (and probably other areas near the infected organ as well), but the blond still forced himself back up. His friend couldn't wait for an eternity.

 

**xxxx**

 

Trying to walk through Ikebukuro with a massive amount of citizens crawling under your feet is nothing but a torture. Average people have problems with keeping their nerves under control so what about an easily angered beast?

Just as expected, Shizuo's nerves were quickly getting out of control. He sighed in irritation, eyebrow twitching while trying to stay calm. The streets were too crowded, the noise was too loud. Just being in there made him sick. He wasn't feeling well before he left his house either but his job was his job and he had to follow the rules.

Tom was waiting in one of the cafeterias as usual. Shizuo saw his happy face watching the streets through the window of the shop while sipping some coffee from the cup. There wasn't a time his friend wouldn't smile before work.

"On time as usual," Tom said, watching as Shizuo entered the cafeteria. "You know you don't have to push yourself so hard. You've already did an amazing job." Getting complements from Tom was always cheering the blond up. Today, he especially needed some word of encouragement though.

"I understand that you're worrying but believe me I'm fine" Shizuo sighed taking a sit next to his friend. The man didn't look very convinced but didn't say a word. Instead he just shook his head slowly and continued watching the cramped streets outside.

"Did you go to that damn doctor yet?" Tom sounded a bit frustrated but that wasn't what worried Shizuo. As soon as his friend spoke the words the brute could feel a lump growing in his throat making any kind of communication impossible.

"I.. Yeah I did." He finally answered trying to sound as confident as possible.

"And..?"

"And what?"

"What did he say?" Tom wasn't the kind of a person who would get angry very easily but the whole situation really exhausted him just by nonstop thinking if the idiot was really okay. He was tired of repeating the same thing over and over again to finally get Shizuo to listen to him.

"Just a cold." The blond replied shrugging his shoulders slightly. Tom narrowed his eyes as if he was trying to look inside Shizuo's mind but there was nothing he could really see.

"Just.. a cold..?"

"Yeah, everything is fine just as I told you. Dunno why you were so stressed about it."

There was a small pause between their conversation. Shizuo lowered his eyes staring at the wooden table in silence. There wasn't really anything to add so he choose to wait for the other man to start speaking again.

"I see," A sigh slipped past Tom's lips and he stood up collecting his stuff. "Alright then, I believe you. Now, let's get the work done, shall we?" Shizuo nodded and stood up, still not saying anything. His mind went back to the day his doctor revealed the horrifying truth. The blond still had that one sentence ringing in his head over and over again. He still could feel that document in his hands being crushed by the strength in which he held it...

"--zuo!!!'' Suddenly a hand flashed in front of Shizuo's eyes immediately catching the man's attention. He focused on the clearly irritated friend who stood next to him hopelessly waving his hand in the air. "Are you listening?!''

''Huh? Oh yeah... yeah I'm listening.'' The blond quickly replied hoping that whatever it was that his friend had said, wasn't a question. Fortunately for him, Tom was only giving some detail about the person they were supposed to visit. If Shizuo had to be fair, as much as he found the information useful, the unbelievable amount of description had always reminded him of someone he truly despised. And that of course, was no other but Izaya Orihara.

The flea had always caused him some kind of trouble while he was around. Well, just by seeing the face of the manmade Shizuo's blood boil and he couldn't help but chase after the informant every time he saw him.

Now that Shizuo thought about it, that man didn't show up for quite a long time in this city. He was happy about it, but part of him felt a bit of concern; not because he was worried that something happened to the flea, but because he knew that the guy could pop out any minute.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

It didn't take more than ten minutes to find the victim's house. 

Just like Shizuo expected, it was a small building, lacking any kind of renovation to it. Even a fool would guess that whoever was living in it, had barely any money to feed themselves, yet alone pay their debt.

"Do we really have to do it? I mean look at the state of that building, the guy must have a very hard time." Shizuo said with sympathy not really sure if it really was okay for them to just go inside and demand money. It sure was strange for him, a beast of Ikebukuro, to say such things; but as much as everyone thought of him as a monster, he did have feelings. Tom on the other side, was almost a complete opposite. His innocent face and kindness towards his friends hid the cold hearted person he was when it came for getting the job done. Sometimes Shizuo even wondered how was it that his friend managed to stay so calm while his 'clients' begged on their knees to give them more time.

"Trust me, there's nothing to feel sorry about." Saying that, Tom's eyes got stuck on Shizuo who was currently opening the pack of cigarettes so quickly, that his eyes could barely register any movement. He watched as the blonde placed one of them between his lips and lit it up; taking one breath with relief. ''You sure are smoking a lot. It'll kill you one day you know?

At those words, a cold, paralysing shiver ran through Shizuo's body. The soothing smell of cigarettes had suddenly made him nauseous and he had a hard time with keeping his knees from bending underneath his body. The small rot of tobacco he was previously holding, ended up freely slipping from his fingers and falling to the ground as if it was nothing but a useless piece of garbage.

''Idiot... You don't say things like that..'' Shizuo managed to utter few words in a tone not much different from a whisper. He looked at the cigarette while laughing brokenly but there was nothing he could do. If Tom only knew how right he was, maybe he wouldn't remind Shizuo of something that he so wanted to forget.

"..Whatever, just try not to make a huge mess like last time okay?"

Before Shizuo had any chance to reply, his friend was already at the door, waiting for the man to open. He sighed and with shaky hands, reached for the pack to pull out another white stick. He knew it was killing him, he didn't need anyone to tell him that. But the strange feeling of nicotine filling every inch of his lungs was one of the few things that kept his nerves under control. Shizuo didn't really know why; maybe it was the suffocating ash that kept the beast inside him under the lock, or maybe it was just distracting him from the situation he was currently in. Either way, he was trapped by it with no possible way out. Yet even after exhaling some of the ashy smoke from his lips, his mind was still littered with dismal thoughts.

_Just don't think about it..._

It seemed that the guy inside must have realised by now that the ones standing behind the door were debt collectors. Even though the window was treacherously slipping away rays of light from the inside, the door would not open no matter how many times Tom had politely knocked on the damn thing.

''Just break them..'' He finally said with resignation in his voice. Stepping aside, he watched as the brute uninterestingly approached the door and with one powerful kick, the wooden entrance got smashed into little pieces.

Just as they did, both of them heard a high-pitched voice coming somewhere from the kitchen - typical for their job. The place inside looked even worse than how it presented itself on the outside. Halfly peeled off wallpaper revealed mouldy walls underneath and Shizuo had to watch his every step since the floor was scattered with all kinds of garbage.

Tom was the first one to get to the man. The guy was sitting in the corner of his abnormally dirty kitchen floor with hands covering his face as if he was awaiting a heavy punch.

''I-I-I don't have the money yet! Please give me more time!'' he cried out while trying to pathetically back away into the wall.

''Well than we're going to have some problems, aren't we?'' Tom's words sounded politely, but they lacked any kind of sympathy in them. He heard those pleas so many times that it became a part of his daily life thing. Everyone said exactly the same words, some just gave up, some fought, but they all ended up losing to Shizuo eventually.

''I-I'll pay! I'll pay, I promise! Just give me one we-!''

The man could barely finish his sentence before his voice stuck in his throat at the sight of an angered blond male entering the room. His eyes comically widened and lips parted in fear when he realised that the man was not only there in the room with him, but was actually approaching him with a clear irritation in his eyes. Before he could react, his body was easily swept away from the ground by the beast.

''Listen here you little shit, I don't have time for your bullshit understand? So. How about we do as I say and you shut the fuck up.''

**xxxx**

After a successful visit, Shizuo and Tom were finally out of that rotten house. There was nothing both of them wanted more than getting some fresh air.

''That was a quick one!'' Tom said cheerfully while stretching himself. Shizuo just gave him a quick glance and replied with a simple ''Yeah'' before lowering his eyes once again. He didn't really had a will nor energy to have a proper conversation with his friend. If he had to be honest, this cold weather was exhausting to work in and it was only a matter of time before he'd get a headache.

Not talking much, they walked out of the dark alley to a bit bigger sidewalk, but still not the main street. Not many people used this path, in fact, Shizuo and Tom were the only ones there right now. Or rather, that's what they thought.

''Oh dear, what a surprise~'' A playful voice reached Shizuo's ears making his body automatically turn to the source of the sound. He knew exactly who it belonged to, how could he not? The irritating chuckle that was always accompanied by a mocking voice was driving Shizuo crazy.

''You again.'' He spat the words in disgust taking one step towards Izaya. His eyes were locked on that provoking smile; he always wanted to crush it, trample it,  _destroy_  it. Everything that could ruin that pretty face of his to the point where the pest could no longer smile.

''My, my, haven't they thought you how to greet people properly?'' Izaya's tone changed to an offended one and he curled his lips into a small pout only causing Shizuo's blood to boil more.

''I will fucking kill you today, I promise'' The blond growled and quickly scanned the area around them in search or some kind of a weapon. Sadly, there weren't much things that could be useful in order to murder the informant, but a single street sign standing near the beast would surely serve its purpose.

Izaya just sighed and pulled a switchblade out of his pocket. It was the only weapon he had, but even though the thing was so small, it could create a massive mess, especially when wielded in the right hands.

''You know what Shizu-chan? I for once thought we'd have a normal conversation, but I guess you're too stupid for that.'' Izaya shrugged and quickly turned on his heals since the blinde had already ripped the sign out of its place and he didn't want to risk being hit with it. There was an unspoken rule that went all around Ikebukuro: 'Once you get caught, there is no chance of getting out of it untouched.' And with that rule in his mind, Izaya had always managed to avoid dreadful consequences. Or at least most of them.

Running away from Shizuo wasn't the easiest one. Izaya might have developed a good stamina over the years, but so did his enemy and that gave him some trouble with dodging the brute's blows. He chose to use dark alleys as a way of getting rid of the tailing him beast, but even there, Shizuo was still very hard to lose.

He liked it though. Izaya had always seen Shizuo as someone who was worth his time so it was only natural to accept every challenge the blond gave him.

But something was wrong.

It was only a matter of time until the man would slow down creating an increasing gap between the two. His breathing was far too heavy for someone who's been working out so intensively every day and Izaya didn't fail to notice that. Curious of brute's strange behaviour, the brunette slowed down knowing that Shizuo was no longer chasing him, which was even out of character for the man. He tilted his head, putting his hands behind his back and slowly approaching the blond, still keeping a fairly safe distance in case the chase would be renewed.

''Ne, Shizu-chan, are you getting old?'' He mocked the beast with his fake concerned voice. And just as he did, the informant expected the man to at least reply with some hateful comment, like he always did, but there was nothing. Shizuo stood silent, eyes fixed on the cement street while trying to catch his breath - Izaya couldn't say he wasn't surprised.

''Stop pretending,'' He finally said circling the man casually. ''Beasts like you don't get tired.''

Shizuo however still didn't say nothing. He finally threw the sign away and took out a pack of cigarettes ignoring that Izaya was standing right next to him, clearly offended by the lack of attention. After lighting one smoke the blonde slowly turned and walked away from the informant, leaving the guy in a complete disbelief.


End file.
